How many times have you heard someone say, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”? What about “You don’t need others to be happy. Make yourself happy”? From age 14 until we get out of the house teenagers are begging for independence from their parents. Some people even use independence as a standard for what qualifies as human life. Abortion is okay because the fetus is still dependent on the mother for life, so it’s not really human yet. Independence, apparently, is what separates a child from a mere blob of tissues. We just spent an entire day celebrating the independence. Our country in a lot of ways is built on our individuality, and it shows in the culture. We are a people obsessed with independence.
Certainly there are a lot of positives that come along with being independent. Men, you are called to be independent. Matthew 19:5 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Real men learn to be independent. We separate ourselves from our parents and learn how to take care of ourselves. It may be a slow journey and it may manifest itself in many different ways, but we should be striving towards independence as men. Anything short of that is immaturity and a step away from true, biblical manhood. Women, you are called to be independent. The “Proverbs 31 woman” does not sit around leaning on her husband to provide for her. She is, in many ways, an independent woman. She “makes bed coverings for herself” (v. 22). She “makes linen garments and sells them” (v. 24). The Proverbs 31 woman is one who knows how to take care of herself. Independence is important, and it’s biblical. But there’s another side to this coin.
Learning independence is important, but total independence is destructive. We were never created to be an independent people. The very term “created” implies that we are dependent. Creatures are always dependent upon their Creator. Lack of dependence on God is a prideful attitude that will only lead to your downfall. Scripture is saturated with this point.
Isaiah 41:13 – For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make straight your paths.
Psalm 121:1-2 – I lift up my eyes to the mountains-Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 94:18 – When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
John 15:5 – I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
We are completely and utterly dependent upon our God. We can’t provide refuge and protection for ourselves, but He is our refuge. We can’t trust our own understanding, but He is our perfect guide. We can’t help ourselves, but our help comes from Him. We will slip when we walk on our own, but He will catch us. On our own, we can do nothing, but He is the vine through which we will bear much fruit. The very gospel which we preach rests upon our willingness to admit our dependence upon the cross of Jesus Christ. It requires us to fall before God and cry out, “I can’t do this on my own! I need help. I need a Savior.”
The Christian faith is one of community. We depend first and foremost upon our God. He is our only hope. But sometimes we need other people too. That’s why God gave us the Church. The Bible commands us to “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2). We are here for each other. We pray for each other (James 5:16). We weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. It can be really hard to ask for help sometimes. We feel like if we ask for help then we have become dependent…and according to American culture, that is always a bad thing. But in truth it’s not. We all need help. To assume we can do everything on our own isn’t only misguided, it’s supremely prideful. Take another look at Matthew 19:5. Men are told to separate themselves from their parents and become independent adults who can take care of themselves and as a result take care of a family. But the verse finishes with this: “and [he will] hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Even a man who has broken away from his parents is not completely independent. Now, he holds fast to his wife. He depends on her as his closest friend, just as she does to him.
Often times, we feel as if asking for help is a sign of weakness. We don’t want to be seen as weak. Our natural inclination is to present our strengths to the world. But when we take an honest look at the gospel, we realize that this is futile. Our weaknesses have already been declared loud and clear. That is the whole point of the gospel. The cross stands before us as a symbol that cries out to all people “You are weak!” Dependence may culturally be a sign of weakness, but we don’t have to hide our weaknesses anymore. We are all weak. Let us cry together with Paul, “I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with my weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9-10). This is the first and the last battle cry of the Christian. I am weak. I am dependent. God, make me strong (Is. 40:29).
J W