I’m tired.
I’m tired of this world. Tired of the suicides and depression that loom over every home. Tired of the constant shootings and murders. Tired of the endless fighting. Tired of being brought to tears every time I turn on the news. I’m tired of the betrayal and the lack of trust. Tired of people not willing to understand each other. Tired of my voice constantly failing to find a place to be heard. Tired of being overlooked and watching others be overlooked. I’m tired of feeling helpless when I hear of the millions of people starving around the world or countless children being lost and abandoned in the foster care system. I’m tired of being misunderstood. I’m tired of seeing Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton lead our election polls. I’m tired of the 125,000 infants being murdered in their mother’s womb every day. I’m tired of seeing friends – more than that, Christian brothers – silently judge each other as they let their hate for one another build. I’m tired of the senseless drama. I’m tired of seeing Christ pushed out of every heart, home, and church in this country. I’m tired of ISIS and racists. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t trust anyone and no one can trust me. I’m tired of everyone playing the blame game. I’m tired of no one being willing to listen to other people’s perspectives. I’m tired of the people who refuse to confront their sin, but instead embrace and defend it.
Most of all, I’m tired of myself. I’m tired of constantly giving it my all yet feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m tired of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the rotten sinner that I am. I’m tired of the downfalls and the failures that seem to define my life. I’m tired of being confused about everything in this life. It doesn’t make sense. It’s out of control. And every day the burden just grows as people continue to put up barriers and harden their hearts. Will the madness ever stop?
I’m tired. More tired than I’ve ever been. Life is hard and life sucks. But I’m not without hope. As the weight of the world begins to crush me, I know that this can’t last forever. This is only temporary. One day I’ll be home. One day I’ll be with my King. The joy of my heart and my portion forever (Ps. 73:26) will be before my eyes and I’ll sing praises to His name. Christ stands at the ready to wipe every tear from my eye (Rev. 21:4). We’ll realize it was all worth it. We’ll see the truth that for everything there is a reason (Ecc. 3:1-15). We’ll get to see all the little ways God stood by our side that we never noticed. One day we won’t be tired anymore. We will run and not grow weary. We will walk and not grow faint (Is. 40:31). On that day, our eyes will be opened to the truth, depth, and majesty of our Creator’s love and care for us. No longer will we need the approval of the people around us, as we hear our Savior say, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matt. 25:23). Because of Christ’s sacrifice for us, this eternal reward is ours. But what do we do in the meantime?
We press on (Phil 3:14). We fight the good fight (1 Tim. 6:12). As long as we have a single breath left in us, we are not done. God is calling us to be a part of His mission. So we fight. We fight against the temptations that surround us. We can’t give up. God knows what He’s doing, and He won’t give us a single breath more or less than we need. In Christ we have a hope and a joy that will carry us through any trial. It will hold us up under the darkest of circumstances. I’m only 18 years old as I write this. I’m already so tired. But I know, Lord willing, this journey has only just begun. The exhaustion will grow. As times get bad and the world around us gets dark, we can hold on to the one bit of light that will never die – Jesus still reigns.
Come, Lord Jesus. Your people are tired. But we’re not without hope.
Abbie Bernet